Andai ku tahu

Keputusan untuk terima tawaran bekerja di Brunei bukanlah mudah. Terlalu banyak "apa kalau" atau "what ifs". Rindu memang pasti. Lagi-lagi kepada si comel kesayanganku Muhd Nor Iqbal. Tatkala mendengar nadanya, airmata sering menitis.

"Uncle kat mana?"

Jawapan ku sering diiringi dengan rasa sebak di hati. Seorang lagi kekasih hatiku, mak. Tidak pernah ku berjauhan lebih dari sebulan darinya. Kini 5 bulan sudah lalu. Hanya dengan menelefon ku dapat mengubat rindu. Alhamdulillah ku dapat menatap wajahnya sewaktu homeleave kelmarin. Insha Allah ada kesempatan untuk pulang lagi pertengahan bulan Syawal nanti.

Ku juga mempunyai seorang teman. Teman yang mampu mempengaruhi setiap keputusan, perasaan dan juga tindakan ku. Dia boleh menceriakan hari yang muram, membangkitkan semangat yang lemah. Andai ku tahu dia mampu melakukan semua itu, tidak ku mengikut perasaan ini. Sudah terlajak, kini ku pasrah.

Ku menanti hari bila ku dapat menghulurkan tangan..
   

For you

7 October 2011. I will always remember the day we met up and talk things out. Just the two of us, quite a distance apart with that big table in spectrum with crowd of students studying there. My objective, to stop your silent treatment towards me and to forget everything and be like normal friends who talk to each other. You told me to move on and saying you dont like me liking you. You also told me there were other guys whom you treated the same as you treated me. At the end of that meet up, i promised to move on and to stop liking you and we wouldnt be strangers anymore.

It was a promise that was never meant to be fufilled. I tried so hard to not like you but feelings just cant be forced. The following days, i tried to be as normal as normal friends would behave around you. But, i just cant. I would get all excited when you replied to my texts, when we walked together to silat room and when you respond to my conversation. With that i fall deeper. It was hard enough to hide my feelings for you. Eventually, you realised that i didnt kept my promise and you began your silent treatment again. But this time, it wasnt as cruel. Just that, you treat normally but not like normal friends. Eventually, i began to have control over my feelings and Allah swt gave new responsibilities and challenges that helps me along the way to make me forget about relationships.

But, deep inside me, you have always been the person whom i wish i could marry. Your presence have been a blessing and you are my motivation to become good person and gain more knowledge of islam. I am thankful for having to meet someone like you. My life journey in SP, you were there. You were there during our stressful assignments, you were there during our preparation for exams, you were there during all the camps i attended, kembara, SSP camp, silat training camp and foc from yr 1 to yr 3. You were there during our crazy fyp period, you were there when i ran away from the committee meeting, you were there when i cried in silat room. You have always been there.

If Allah permits it, I pray that you would be the person whom will guide me to be a better Muslim. Like you said, patience is key. If you are destined to be my wife, may Allah swt ease our relationship and keep us away from fitnah and whispers of syaitan. Till then, lets study hard and make your mum and my parents proud first. May Allah forgive your sins, give you health and grant you happiness in dunia and hereafter. Amin :)

It's not over

Final year project completed. That marks the end of studying in SP. The excitement was just for a moment. Reality kicks in and I have to plan what I want to do in life. Oh well simple, get married and live life like a Muslim.

I have submitted my application for NTU, hoping to get the NIE degree scholarship. So right now, my plan is to become a teacher! Why?  I believe that teaching is a fulfilling job, it teaches you to be patient and how to manage different kinds of behaviour. I have experienced a 1 month teaching attachment programme and I really enjoyed it. Whatever it is, I have planned and Allah swt will decide :)

So what has happened so far. Right now I am helping out my mum in her stall, cutting the vegetables and all that kitchen stuffs. Quite girlish but I don't mind. Thinking of it,  I would be able to help my future wife to prepare the ingredients when she cooks for the family (:

Hais. I just wanna get married fast.

Kerana Dia

Before 2012 ends, let me remenisce on what had made me who I am now.

It was a year full of surprises and challenges. Many ups and downs. Let me begin with something closer to heart. My family. Iqbal is now 2 years old. Knows how say a few words and could now run and play. The cutest creature I have ever seen. Never fails to put a smile on me. My eldest brother have came back. I welcomed him home with a Salam. He looked different. Seems healthy but i could only see emptiness in his eyes. He's changed man I believe. May Allah swt give him guidance. My parents, healthy and going strong. Getting older day by day. Sometimes I just wished I have the money to treat them for an overseas holiday trip. But yes..i am gonna save up and provide them the opportunity to perform hajj أن شاء الله.

SPSC. SPSC has definitely up its game this year. We made a comeback with glorious winnings. An emotional transformation from sending 5 pesilats in 2011. We went with pride and we went back with glory. IVP aside. SPSC has definitely made a great impact on my life. It has become part of me. The companions, memories, hardship, tears and sweat we shared throughout. I have to say, being a president was a fulfilling duty.It teaches me to become more responsible and discipline.  But most importantly, it got me closer to Allah swt. I tried my best to ensure that SPSC could be a platform for dakwah. Prioritsing solat over others and encouraging the sunnah of nabi Muhammad saw. But one of the emotional moments in SPSC would be during our hari raya outing. I will share about it when the tim comes.

My life. It's about time to stand up and be a somebody. Allah swt has given me so many opportunity to learn and experience becoming someone who leads. In shaa Allah, i want to be an inspiration. Before that, I kneel down upon Allah the almighty, i seek from Him knowledge of the Dunia and akhirah. Let me be amongst those who only strive to earn his blessings. Every act, sayings, whispers of the hearts is guided by him. Everything, Lillahi ta'ala. Amin

Dunia

hanya Allah swt sahaja yang tahu betapa resah dan gelisah hati ini. apa yang ku sangka berat,  memang tepat sangkaanku. tugas sebagai seorang presiden bukanlah seindah rupa.

setiap tanggungjawab dan amanah akan dipersoalkan oleh Allah swt nnt. 

Ya Allah! ku takut akan seksaan Mu ya Allah :'(