my past

Sometimes, i think im just to careful writing down things here. kinda of not having the freedom of what i want to write. basically because i am afraid that people might get offended by what i wrote or they just wouldn't like what i wrote,

i think this is gonna change. i wanna write what i really feel inside.

sometimes i feel myself as being lucky in a sense that i never really know what solat is, i didnt even know Quran exist back then. i never knew what those curly curly word means or how they sound. i remembered my first time reciting An-nas to my Ustaz when i was primary 2. i was crying instead of reciting. i was crying from home till i stepped into the class. i was the only one who didn't know how to read. The Ustaz gave me a skeptical look when i recite the surah. then he said to me; "ape yang ko bace ni nak, takpe, lain kali cuba lagi eh "

something hit me when i was primary 4. my friend ask, "kau tau sembahyang?" i was like..."tau..siape seh tak tau" from then on i started to feel guilty that i dun even know how perform prayers. i used to go back with my friend on the 172 bus which goes through the malay cemetry. he asked me, "kau tau bace fatihah?" i said " mesti lah" then he asked for us to pray together when passing through the cemetry because we were scared. then i came out with a brilliant idea. "ape kate kte bace dalam hati? siape habes bace dulu menang." it was like an excuse because i dun even know how recite fatihah. so yeaa...i seemed so pro by my gullible friend cos each time we recite, i finished first. i dun want him thinking i dunno how to read so i just took the chance to finish "reciting" first.

few yrs later, something sad happened to my family. i dun think i wanna share this. but lets just say he was not well received in pulau tekong during his ns. he came back. being different from his usual self. he came back with a "tiger". from that moment, my house was filled with prayers and zikir. hoping that this tiger would go away. i was very scared back then. i didn't know what is happening, why the are saying things that i've never heard before. so yea..i started to learn short phrases like "astarghfirullahaladzim alazi la illah ha illah hu wal hayyu qayyum wa atubu ilaik." i remembered this was the first zikir i learned. i read it everyday when im in the bus and when i was in doing nothing like waiting for the bus.

the tiger eventually went away. few days later, i was sitting in front of the radio. then the azan sounded. it was magrib. my mum was getting ready to solat. i was outside with my father. i looked at him. i wanted to ask something, but i think i didn't ask. the azan kinda moved me to start perform solat. i started reading the pink book, mari sembahyang. there it begins the new chapter to my life. i took the book as my "guidance" to how to pray,may the writer of the book be blessed. amin. but He is the one who gave me the hidayah and guide me to perform the solat. i am truthfully thankful for that.:')

Alhamdullilah now, i m just glad that i know how perform solat, recite Fatihah and know what the Quran is.