September 30, 2011

bukan niat ku

I can never say enough of how wonderful it would be if i had a great brother. lets just say, im rather mesmerized and  clueless on how siblings can be so close. its clear that im not in good terms with my brother. he's just, so ugh. even though i try to be nice with him, it would end up differently somehow. every single word he lets out just seems to make me feel irritated or feel annoyed. i dont know. maybe its just me. i just gave him a rude remark just now. He asked me not to set the alarm at 530 am in the morning. i just told him to "diam la" and the next few conversation..i shall not reveal it here. but..haish. not my intention to hurt anyone.


September 27, 2011

harga selautan syukurku

Hanyalah setitis nikmatMu di bumi.

Ku mula sedar yang..cinta telah melalaikan diriku. apa la sangat erti cinta. biarlah..When the time comes, i will be with the right person..amin :)

September 25, 2011

its just me

we're like strangers. haish. can i just make myself disappear.

September 17, 2011

101

didnt realise i had over 100 post till today. i guess no one comes here anymore. if you do, just leave some comments on the chatbox orite :)

ah yes. yesterday was great. Raya outing with fellow classmates. had two raya outing previously. was awesome too.

I actually felt nervous that my friends are coming over to my house. my mum was not at home. i wanted them to feel comfortable and treat them well in my house. so yea..since my mum's not cooking. i became the cook! first time cooking for guests. got the recipe from my friend's mum. it turned out quite well..just a lil too dry. just a sum up of what happened yesterday. we started of at around 1230pm and we finish off the guy's house first at the west. then we arrived at the east at around 8+? fortunately some two of our chinese friends could drive and was very kind to provide us with the transportation. thanks alot guys :) so yea..we actually ended the whole outing at around 130am?  hahaa..i was shock myself.



so she proved me wrong. i thought she would'nt came. i cant sleep the night before..thinking about whats going to happen the next day. not about what to wear or how to cook. about seeing her after so long of not seeing her. so i just smiled at her. asking random questions. the same smirk she she replies my question :/ i just dont know what else i can do. sometimes i feel so pathetic. sometimes i feel like giving up. but its just so hard to give up these feelings you know. i may look normal when talking in front of her, but when she replies with that smirk, i just...feel so numb.

"I dont understand why destiny allowed some people to meet when there's no way for them to be together" - tumblr

aiseybedah. i guess she really wants to show me that, she doesnt like me liking her. i understand. for that, i respect her as a person and i will try hard not to let out these feelings. slowly but surely. thats all folks.

Assalamu'alaikum.

September 9, 2011

andaikumenjadipelangi

sudikah engkau menjadi awannya.

Haish. its too late to turn back time. whats done is done. I've made wrong moves, did stupid things that somehow made you 'afraid' of me. i realize that only after my friend told me. you know, when someone is in love, he sees nothing. he sees nothing that is wrong or weird. when actually what he's doing is all wrong and weird. in a sense, people who are not in love will not normally do. get me?

that long journey just to get what she wants. the long wait just to see that face. that sacrifice just to see that smile. its all somehow, stupid. for now it is.  what for? all that effort if the person doesn't like you. people will tell the most obvious thing to do. forget her. move on you idiot.

but someone told me a different answer. tell her.

maybe i should? maybe i should not. i am afraid things will change. we might not look at each other again. we will not talk to each other again. awkward. but its true what my friend said. if im just gonna keep all this feelings inside, i'll never really know whats going on. the feelings gonna kill me inside. but there's this thing that keeps me from telling her.

apart from the awkwardness. i know, its not right to tell what i feel. maybe i'll just act normal. like as if nothing is happening in me. im trying hard to fight these feelings. maybe, someday, things will change for the better.

Only Allah knows.

Assalamu'alaikum.