haza min fadli robbi

Nothing in the world belongs to us. May Allah guide us in everything we do. 

every single thing we do, Lillahi Ta'ala.

still

Decided to take a short nap after 2 hours doing the 28 page report.

i dreamt having long conversation with her. it felt so real. deep inside, there's still her. i forced myself to move on. but feelings cant be forced. I believe Allah only allow me to talk with her in my dreams for now.

hais.

shot to the heart

i realised my recent updates is like, mushy2. well lets cut that.

today, someone told me something that really shook my heart. some people out there said, "sp silat merepek"
I was like, who the hell said that. but i kept cool and said maybe because last ivp we only sent 5 pesilat. no worries, next ivp we are going to show what sp silat is all about! go hard or home! i am all pumped up man.

okay next, there's only about 1 week left of holidays. darn. i have 3 reports to finish and i haven start it yet. its okay, 7 days is more than enough to finish up all the assignments. Already looking forward to the next holiday, and school term hasnt even started yet. few days back, i told my mother, "mak, malas ah nak blaja lagi. nak keje terus kahwin boleh tak" i was only joking to her. she didnt reply. and the next day, my uncle gave me a pep talk. hahah. confirm my mum told him. my father supported me and said, its my life, my choice. hehe. but they know i will choose the right choice. after getting my diploma, insyaAllah, i want to further my studies in Islamic institution. its my choice now. but first, after NS, i am going to save up money to fund my studies. after that, get a stable job. then, its marriage.

marriage. i wonder how it would be in future. even getting a 3-room flat can cost more than 100k. maybe should find a life partner now and plan from now on how to survive in future. we can save up together and bid a HDB flat which can take up to a few years. also, open up a account for our children's saving in future for their education. walazmak. these are just some thoughts. to survive, we have to have faith in Allah. for He is All-Knowing. Do everything for the sake of Allah s.w.t and insyaAllah, our life will be guided by Him.

hmm. today, i asked her a simple question, "lepas ni nak gi mane" and she couldnt even answered that. maybe its personal, or maybe she just dont want me to know whats happening in her life. its like " ko nak tau ape hal, sebok je" okay, i understand bro. i have to shut my mouth whenever i see her. its want she wants i guess.

till then, Assalamu'alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh!

sampai hati

theres something deep down in me, that i really want to tell someone but i just cant. its not about her. It about something else. about someone who really matters a lot to me. someone whom i believe, is the reason why i am me. its sinful to talk bad things about others. so i'll just keep it here safe in my thoughts. May Allah guide all of us, amin.

She. the more i think about it. the more i hate the fact that my heart chooses her. i mean, ever since i like her, everything seems wrong.

Suddenly i felt a deep sank in my heart, literally. the feeling of heartbreak. MOVE ON SHAFIE!

timecheck

Alhamdulillah. Training camp is over. now its back to reports and all that stuffs.

So its a whole different story when you are the person organising the camp. It takes courage and capability to be in the front. to be honest, i dont deserve to lead the camp.

"camp commandant paling annoying"

truly inside, i believe that my feelings for her is starting to fade. simply because, i tried to hard to be friends with her.its never easy to pluck up the courage and talk to her. but when i do. its just a whole different story. *snap*
im gettin out of this fairytale illusion.

you know, when i write something here, theres always gonna be somthing about her. it just shows how much i think of her when im alone. but the thing is, i can never do anything about it.

ok, ignore this post. Assalamu'alaikum.

So here it comes

and so, finally tomorrow is Mun'ish 3 Night cycling. everything seems going fine. Hopefully things go smoothly tomorrow, insyaAllah.

so far, i've learnt lots of things from being part of the committee for this event. the way we communicate with people. the behaviour of certain people. but yea, i think i need to trust people more. i tend to do things myself cos i dont trust people. honestly, when i ask someone to do something, i would end up doing it myself. this have got to change. not all the time though. if i really trust the person, then its fine with me. so yea, lets see how things go tomorrow.

Whatever. mayb i didnt seem genuine to her. i guess she's just like that. i dont know. when she said whatever, i forgot there's night cycling tomorrow at that moment. i just sat there, glued  to the punching bag. hah..mayb it was just me. staring into blank space doenst mean shes not okay, right? so yea..

Actually, i have other things to write. but, lets leave it to next time. till then, Assalamu'alaikum~

keep calm

Anymore task, and my head will go OVERLOAD.

Been a quite a heavy week. All the loading began last monday, after Night cycling meeting. It seems like I cant afford to make any mistake on that day. InsyaAllah..things will go well. Im not alone :)

Now, my mind is all tangled up. which often makes me feel the urge to just leave all this things behind. Ingatlah 5 perkara sebelum yang 5. lapang sebelum sempit. this is it. when there is nothing to do..i wanna do something. but when there's a lot of things to be done, i just feel like laying around ignore all these stuffs.

All these negative thoughts. I should really cleanse my mind. to adapt myself to "overloading" situation and handle things one by one. just keep calm and carry on. InsyaAllah..after all this task are done, Im gonna be away. After MST i guess. till then, Assalamu'alaikum.

101111

Semalam, i dream. i dreamt the whole spsc team balik kampung. her kampung. then met her mother. haha. mimpi je.

so today is 11/11/11. just another day man. yesterday was 10/11/11. her birthday. i felt bad enough for not getting her anything. just wished her. nah..its okay. I am just a friend. I remembered on my 18th birthday, she didnt wished me. hah. i waited till 11:59pm on the 23rd june. tears actually appeared that night. just a few trickles. haha. kentalans. Its good to have tears sometimes. it cleanses your eye.

birthday. when i was a kid. i didnt really look forward for birthdays.its just another day for me. i've never really experience, tearing a box of present and getting all hype up looking inside the wrapper. haha. sadist. not that i want to experience it..its just that, birthdays for me, is just getting a day older. but still, alhamdulillah i have fond memories of my birthdays for the past recent years. 

maybe, this feelings cant go away. it stays, till it really wants to go away. till then, thank you for treating me the way you treat me.

untitled

To be a good Muslim. To carry out our duty as a Muslim. Do good and bring others to do good too. to follow the sunnah. To uphold the right and prevent and avoid what is haram. Pray.

The purpose of us living on this earth.

وَمَا خَلَقۡتُ ٱلۡجِنَّ وَٱلۡإِنسَ إِلَّا لِيَعۡبُدُونِ

Dan (ingatlah) Aku tidak menciptakan jin dan manusia melainkan untuk mereka menyembah dan beribadat kepadaKu. 

Surah adh-dhariyat, ayat 56 

hikayat semalam

finally get some time to settle down and really put aside all school stuffs since tommorow is holiday. hmm.. it has been a while since i visit my relatives, even though we live nearby. things has changed. ever since my late grandmother passed away..i begin to feel our ties drift apart. we're still close though, but not like it used to.

When i was in primary 3, i live in jurong and my school was at chua chu kang. i would wake up early in the morning, eager to ride with my father to the bus interchange. my father had no car, no motorcycle. just a normal bicycle with a seat at the back. i remembered last time we didnt had a water heater, and sitting at the back of the bicycle while the wind blowing onto the face early in the morning, was somehow, a thrilling experience. one of the reason why i love morning breeze, it always reminds me to  cherish what my father had gone through to raise me up.

so here goes. since my grandmother lives in cck, i would go to her house after school everyday.
 my uncle lives with her. so i had cousins who were younger than me. everyday, i would play under the block with my cousins. all them were girls by the way. so we would play soccer, badminton and all that sports. after a hard day playing, we would go up. i have to wash up to get ready to back home at jurong. took 172. once reach bus interchange, amongs the crowd, i would see my father waiting for me with his bicycle..a ride back home..i missed those times :') so each day goes on like this till i was in primary 6..

the day i remembered filled with tears. as i rush back to my grandmother house..hoping to meet my cousins and play a new game. but as i stepped into the house, i saw a figure wrapped up in white cloth, laying still. surrounded by familiar faces, weeping and staring into the ground in disbelief. it has been 5 years since she left us.

hmm..maybe i'll continue next time. till then, Assalamu'alaikum..

A week after

so it has been a week since school started. just a little something to share about my course. things are going pretty well. i kinda like all the modules this sem..except for one..biostatic or something. hopefully im geared up for this sem..Bismillah.

yang tersirat

Imagine. imagine  the rain doesnt fall in droplets. it falls as a cloud. the world would be drenched. the paddy fields would be destroyed. the fruits farms vanished. Subhanallah. if we we were to count Allah's blessings, we wont be able to. for everything we have is all with His blessings. MasyaAllah..

somebody told me about the raindrops thingy. just the thought of that blessing from Allah, it just makes me feel so, sinful. cant deny that sometimes, the worldly things like working for money, meeting friends.. seems to take much more of my time then i spent on remembering Allah. 

But i guess, it all comes down to niat. insyaAllah..never forget to ask Allah to proper our niat in everything we do. when working, maybe our niat could be, we want to ease the burden of our family, or help those around us who are in need. when meeting friends..we could place our niat as to increase our faith towards Allah by practising good moral values as showed by our prophet, Muhammad s.a.w. saying the salam, smile..doing dakwah. insyaAllah..with His guidance.

just a reminder, specially to myself..Assalamu'alaikum readers :)

Garrett

maybe the title doesnt suit what im gonna post today. its just that i just munched on a packet of garret popcorn and now my jaws are quite tired.

so. i guess it went okay. i had more to say, but it just didnt came to words. but at least, i said what i wanted to say. which is for us not to be strangers. i hear and i know now. i guess what she wants is for me to move on and treat her as a friend. i am treating her as a friend. its just that, sometimes my feelings get in the way. i understand. for somebody who came from an all-girl school, coming to poly is a big change. having to adapt to a school environment where there is, guys. so im not alone. she treats the others the same way too i guess. if i would knew better, i should have not look into that eyes during that moment i fell for you. for, i troubled our relationship as a friend. now, the whole spsc knows. but who cares. like she said..let them with their comments.

above all, i truly appreciate her agreeing to meet up. i nvr thought she would want to. hah..she wanted her friend to accompany her actually. but yea. Im not into relationshiops now. just hoping to meet somebody, whom i can share my stories with, who is there when everything else fails. maybe its her, maybe its somebody else.

never to forget, our Creator, Allah s.w.t In our chase for dunia, we tend to forget that we have doa as a weapon. we have Allah who always looks after upon us. InsyaAllah..from now on, things will change. 3 more semester to go. The diploma, thats our main aim.

 thanks once again haziqah. I thank Allah for meeting me with you. for, you showed me that, its just not the time to be in a relationship and all. thanks for ignoring me. seriously. hah..why im writing this when shes not reading my blog. nah..its just what in my head, i write.

thats all. Assalamu'alaikum.

Mimi

it has been two days since i saw mimi. the last time i saw her, she followed me halfway to the market. wonder where she could have gone to :/

Mimi is my neighbourhood cat anyway. always follow me to the doorstep when i reach home. the she would "meow" for food. it gives me a sense of comfort whenever i feed her. haish..hope she return pretty soon. amin..

so..two more weeks and school reopens. till then, im gonna make use of this remaining holiday. enjoy! chey..and of course go for classes and all insyaAllah. hey, i feel kinda great this pass few days..alhamdulillah.

dont know what else to write..maybe cos im sleepy. cant wait for this wed's training :)

assalamua'ailakum.

September ends

We can never safely say, things will change tomorrow. sometimes, change does not happen. sometimes it happens. for the good or for the worst. we always hope for the good, but Allah always has a better plan for us.  I truly believe that if my plan goes smooth, its all because of Allah's willing. if my plan fails, Allah has planned something greater, maybe not now, but later.

maybe my statement above may seem, yea, normal for  people to say. but if we were to really understand and appreciate it, we would'nt be so caught up with life. all those sadness and misery. those guilt and unhappiness. have you ever wondered why some people can smile even at their worst. i believe, they see the good thing in life. for, we should never stop smiling while we still can. 

maybe we have'nt seen it yet. maybe we have. those who were smiling with us and were among us eating and chatting. now, no more. they have left us. maybe we were remorseful or saddened by their absence. but after a while, we tend too forget. we tend to take life for granted and live as if we are gonna live forever. for syaitan is our true enemy. Never forget to ask Allah for forgiveness everyday. we can never run from doing sins. Allah maha pengampun lagi maha penyayang. never fall for the trap of syaitan which whispers to our heart, to keep on doing sins till we grow old then we are gonna taubat and syaitan make us believe that we are going to live till that  day to ask Allah for forgiveness. we can never be assure that we are gonna be alive tomorrow. we can never know if we are gonna live till the day we are going to ask Allah for forgiveness.

this is a reminder specially to myself and also to all of us..May Allah bless us with His forgiveness. amin..

Assalamu'alaikum.

bukan niat ku

I can never say enough of how wonderful it would be if i had a great brother. lets just say, im rather mesmerized and  clueless on how siblings can be so close. its clear that im not in good terms with my brother. he's just, so ugh. even though i try to be nice with him, it would end up differently somehow. every single word he lets out just seems to make me feel irritated or feel annoyed. i dont know. maybe its just me. i just gave him a rude remark just now. He asked me not to set the alarm at 530 am in the morning. i just told him to "diam la" and the next few conversation..i shall not reveal it here. but..haish. not my intention to hurt anyone.

harga selautan syukurku

Hanyalah setitis nikmatMu di bumi.

Ku mula sedar yang..cinta telah melalaikan diriku. apa la sangat erti cinta. biarlah..When the time comes, i will be with the right person..amin :)

its just me

we're like strangers. haish. can i just make myself disappear.

101

didnt realise i had over 100 post till today. i guess no one comes here anymore. if you do, just leave some comments on the chatbox orite :)

ah yes. yesterday was great. Raya outing with fellow classmates. had two raya outing previously. was awesome too.

I actually felt nervous that my friends are coming over to my house. my mum was not at home. i wanted them to feel comfortable and treat them well in my house. so yea..since my mum's not cooking. i became the cook! first time cooking for guests. got the recipe from my friend's mum. it turned out quite well..just a lil too dry. just a sum up of what happened yesterday. we started of at around 1230pm and we finish off the guy's house first at the west. then we arrived at the east at around 8+? fortunately some two of our chinese friends could drive and was very kind to provide us with the transportation. thanks alot guys :) so yea..we actually ended the whole outing at around 130am?  hahaa..i was shock myself.

so she proved me wrong. i thought she would'nt came. i cant sleep the night before..thinking about whats going to happen the next day. not about what to wear or how to cook. about seeing her after so long of not seeing her. so i just smiled at her. asking random questions. the same smirk she she replies my question :/ i just dont know what else i can do. sometimes i feel so pathetic. sometimes i feel like giving up. but its just so hard to give up these feelings you know. i may look normal when talking in front of her, but when she replies with that smirk, i just...feel so numb.

"I dont understand why destiny allowed some people to meet when there's no way for them to be together" - tumblr

aiseybedah. i guess she really wants to show me that, she doesnt like me liking her. i understand. for that, i respect her as a person and i will try hard not to let out these feelings. slowly but surely. thats all folks.

Assalamu'alaikum.

andaikumenjadipelangi

sudikah engkau menjadi awannya.

Haish. its too late to turn back time. whats done is done. I've made wrong moves, did stupid things that somehow made you 'afraid' of me. i realize that only after my friend told me. you know, when someone is in love, he sees nothing. he sees nothing that is wrong or weird. when actually what he's doing is all wrong and weird. in a sense, people who are not in love will not normally do. get me?

that long journey just to get what she wants. the long wait just to see that face. that sacrifice just to see that smile. its all somehow, stupid. for now it is.  what for? all that effort if the person doesn't like you. people will tell the most obvious thing to do. forget her. move on you idiot.

but someone told me a different answer. tell her.

maybe i should? maybe i should not. i am afraid things will change. we might not look at each other again. we will not talk to each other again. awkward. but its true what my friend said. if im just gonna keep all this feelings inside, i'll never really know whats going on. the feelings gonna kill me inside. but there's this thing that keeps me from telling her.

apart from the awkwardness. i know, its not right to tell what i feel. maybe i'll just act normal. like as if nothing is happening in me. im trying hard to fight these feelings. maybe, someday, things will change for the better.

Only Allah knows.

Assalamu'alaikum.

Affectionate

Its true what my friend said. I am an affectionate person. i tend to be too close too people. close in terms of emotions. i am easily hurt by comments by someone who i see as my close friends. I cant handle direct remarks well. so yea. i just got a direct remark from my friend just now. now i feel so shitty. feels like giving up silat. but yes, i shouldnt be.

Everytime i recite the iqamat, i just wish you would join to solat. everytime i read aloud the surah, i just wish you could realise that im reciting the words of Allah. everytime i sujud, i pray He would open your heart so that you would sujud to Him too. As each day pass, my heart sinks when you ignore the azan. it seems like everyday is a normal day for you without performing the solah. there's nothing more i can do..hope you'd be given the hidayah before your last breathe. Amin.

Never stop while you still can

Alhamdulillah, for everything that i have right now. My parents, friends, health, food. we can never be thankful enough. I just hope Allah s.w.t would give me the guidance to make full use of all His blessings.

it has been a long time since i update. about the previous post, haha..forget about it. i've begin to realise that if i continue being like that, nothing is gonna change. i'll just leave it to as it is. sometimes its best to wait. good things comes with patience..right friends? so now..im back to normal again, insyaAllah. and yea, lots of things had happened this month. so much to say but maybe i'll just share the main ones :)

Last saturday, SP silat club just held its inaugural Keris Kuasa. where the contributions of ex-committee is being commended and new committe is introduced. had a great time helping out with the event. it was pouring when we were setting up the venue. such memories..never will i forget. the food was superb, first time i saw GIRLS eating 4 dulang of briyani. ish3..dasyhat.

oh ya..i just joined a perguruan! my cikgu ngaji invited me to join for the first training. i felt welcomed and eventually i joined the club. they just had the trials for the coming PSK competition. i just tried out for the trials and alhamdulillah i won the first match but lost the second. they have yet to announced who is chosen for the competition. i dunno.. i dun mind if im not chosen..cause trainings will double if i were chosen. time time time. i really need to manage my time properly. the reason why i join the club is, i have grown this passion for silat. its not just about the spar and all, but its the art. An art we should never take granted for.

For now, Im trying to find out who i am as a person. Before i could judge others, i should always remind myself that i am a nobody in people's eye. sorry if i've been away or not there most of the time. I want to spend time with myself. sounds weird..but yea. thank you for reading. Assalamu'alaikum :)

Tugas seorang Muslim

InsyaAllah im writing this post to widen our mind. heard this from the morning tazkirah at TV1.

We are fortunate to born as a Muslim. but what bout those who are not? is it our responsibility to carry out dakwah and lead them to the righteous way? the ustaz said, in the past, the message from Allah to humans is through the rasul. Seorang Rasul itu diberi mandat oleh Allah s.w.t untuk menyampaikan risalah2 islam kepada umat manusia. Rasul yang terakhir, Nabi Muhammad s.a.w telah pun melakukan tugasnya untuk menyebarkan islam di bumi ini. tetapi sekarang ini, Nabi Muhammad s.a.w sudah pun meninggalkan kami, yang tinggal hanyalah sunnah dan Al Quran yang menjadi pedoman hidup kami. siapakah yang bertanggungjawab untuk menyambungkan dakwah untuk menyebarkan islam di seluruh pelusuk bumi?

Ustaz tu pon memberi suatu perumpamaan. Ada seorang kaya yang mempunyai seorang tukang kebun. tukang kebun ini diberikan 5 tugas oleh orang kaya ni. tugas-tugasnya adalah untuk menjaga tumbuhan di kebun, menjaga halaman kebun, menjaga kenderaan, menjaga binatang peliharaan org kaya itu dan yang terakhir menjaga pintu masuk rumah org kaya itu.

Jadi, suatu hari, org kaya ni pergi bersia-sia. orang kaya ni mempunyai seorang anak yang masih kecil. budak kecil itu ditinggalkan di rumah. bosan, budak kecil pun berlari ke halaman rumah itu. tanpa diketahui, di halaman itu ada sebuah lubang besar yang penuh dengan air. budak kecil lari ke taman dalam keseronokan. tukang kebun tadi sedang di halaman dan nmpk budak kecil sedang menuju ke dalam lubang itu, tetapi tukang kebun ni..tidak mengambil tahu dan terus sahaja membuat tugasnya. dia tidak memberi amaran kepada budak kecil itu. lantas, budak kecil itu terjerumus dan tenggelam di dalam lubang besar yang penuh dgn air itu. tukang kebun in buat tidak tahu, dan tidak menyelamatkan budak, terus sahaja membuat tugasnya.

Org kaya itu pulang. dia mencari anaknya di dalam rumah tapi tiada. die pun pergi ke halaman dan terkejut melihat jasad anaknya di dalam lubang besar itu tidak bernyawa. dia mengangkat anaknya keluar dan tanya kepada tukang kebun sama ada tukang nmpk kejadian ini berlaku. tukan kebun itu pun mengatakan, ia dia nampak segalanya. org kaya itu pon tanya, kenapa kau tidak memberi amaran kepada anakku? tukang kebun itu pon katakan, itu bukan tugasku. tugasku hanyalah 5, iaitu menjaga tumbuhan di kebun, menjaga halaman kebun, menjaga kenderaan, menjaga binatang peliharaan kamu dan yang terakhir menjaga pintu masuk rumah kamu.

itu lah cerita yang dikongsi ustaz tadi. renungkanlah cerita ni. apakah kita sama seperti tukang kebun ini? adakah cukup sebagai seorang Muslim sekadar mengucapkan dua kalimah, mendirikan solat lima waktu, memberi zakat, berpuasa pada bulan ramadhan dan menunaikan haji? ayuhlah kte menyebarkan keindahan islam kepada kawan2 kami yang bukan islam dengan mengikut sunnah Nabi Muhammad s.a.w, mencontohi akhlaknya yang mulia. inginkah kte melihat kawan kami yang bukan islam terjerumus ke dalam neraka sedangkan kami masih ade peluang utk melangkah ke syurga. syurga itu bukanlah hanya untuk kami..wallahualam bisawab..

harap post ini bermanfaat ye..assalamualaikum wr wb :)

kisah si majnun

Its 1 am, 12th april. hanis have just reached singapore. Iqbal just got back from hospital today. Alhamdulillah. and life goes on as usual.

I should be asleep right now. but i just cant. she's in my head. waiting for her to reply to the fb msg. its not that im busybody and being an irritant and want to know whats happening around you 24/7. its just that, im afraid that something bad happen to you. all i can say is, i really care for you. today, the feeling of you not there at training just sucks. knowingly you are there somewhere 100+ km away from spore. i know we are not couples or whatsoever for me to care for you so much. but then...

i feel so sucky this pass few days. little things hurt me so much. those comments that usually goes in left and goes out left seems to go in and straight to heart.

maybe i'll wake up tmr morning and think why the hell did i post something like this. because it made my night today bearable. goodnight world.

insan yang bernama ayah

it is thursday. the day which im usually clueless on what to do. as a matter of fact, my thursday are usually spent at home, slacking around and read whatever books i can read. would wait for my mum to get back home at 4 and by that time i would be famished and indulge on whatever she brings back home. however, today her business went quite well so there was no food for me. oh well, she asked to buy something from the coffee shop at block 26. so i bought myself western food. she wanted to have rojak and my dad wanted fried kway teow. so yea, hungry in the morning, full by the afternoon. Alhamdulillah.

oh yes. did you guys read the new paper on wed? about the toddler who got into comma because his father did not came home for months. how sad. i really wish his dad would come home for the sake of the kid. how selfish can one be. so young and he has to feel all this. the feeling of emptiness in life and how sorrow life can be, even us young adults could'nt withstand the feeling of losing someone so precious. let alone a 1 year old kid.

Actually, the family that u see in that picture with the mum and 4 kids surrounding her, is closely related to me. and i love each and every one of them. i miss them :'(

Ya Allah, yang maha kaya lagi maha kasih dan penyayang. berikanlah petunjuk kepada ayah Shah Rifqi untuk bertemu kembali bersama anaknya. rahmatilah keluarga Nurashikin bersama lima anaknya yang lain. shahirah, syakilah, syafi, saifulah dan irfan. sesungguhnya tiada daya dan upaya tanpa keizinanMu ya Allah. amin. :(

more than just a fight

I have tasted the lil sweet taste of victory as well as the bitterness of a defeat. all I can say is, i have learnt so much from the recent ivp. though i lost, its not the end of the road for me. in fact, the flame in me just got stronger. im hungry for victory now. InsyaAllah Sp Open..i can participate and bring glory for sp :)

and friends who came to support, words is not enough to show my appreciation. love you guys to the max! muacks! :)

actually lots of things to share, but today i cant seem to write it here. maybe next time..good day friends ;)

Oreo Crush

dont you love it when the auntie makes a perfect ice blend for you? smoothie taste with no ice still not crushed and just the right amount of water and flavouring added :)

had a great morning. woke up fresh after a tiring day yesterday. accompanied my mum to geylang and had our breakfast. suddenly i had craving for sup tulang. i just to told my mum, "mak, ade feeling2 tulang uh mak." then she came back with a plate of tulang. woohoo! love her very strong :)

yesterday was my last friendly with Millenia Institute before the coming IVP NEXT WEEK! nervous wreck i am. i wasnt suppose to spar yesterday, but i persisted and kept on pestering my coach to allow me to fight. In the end, he let me. i was intimidated by my opponent this time, cause he had a singapore logo on his right arm! i was sparring against a national pesilat yaw. he just proved me how inferior i am. he gave me one hard kick and i flew across the ring. haha. its okay, im making this as a motivation to improve myself..yea!

picture above is during the post o-level holidays where i worked at BaliThai ION. how i miss those balithai days....

March

So its already March. exams are over for year 1. holiday is here. and, there are so many things coming up this month. there's many things i want to let out here. from school, to friends to cca to friendships.

School. Exams were over before i knew it. all was rather okay except for maths. i did'nt dare to share my answers while my friends were asking around whats their answer after the paper was collected. oh well, i did my best, i think. hoping i'll maintain my GPA and start strong in year 2, amin. hmm..about silat. yesterday was the first training since the long disapperance due to exam. and i was beaten down to the ground. i mean, my stamina were not what it used to be. i was panting and puffing like as if i've just completed 2 hours of marathon. so, IVP is in end-march. IVP is Intra-Varsity Polytechnic btw. SP only sent 5 pesilat this year, and im one of them. yeaa..this month is gonna be training like never before, cos i wanna bring glory for SP! insyaAllah. and one more thing, today i had my first committee meeting for silat. i was appointed as the vice-president. Quite a heavy responsibilty now. hope i can carry out my duties well, amin.

Friends. it has been a long time since we meet and go out together guys. Hanis, it seems like we always meet in the mosque. its a blessing in disguise i hope. u dont know how i've been longing to meet you my friend. so this holiday, lets make full use of it and go out someday together okay Faizul Hanis and Rafie. love you guys ttm.

okay..i think thats about it. theres gonna be kompang plus nasyid tomorrow..woo. my first time bebeh. anw, above is my beloved nephew :D have a nice day peeps :)

chao

chao. means hello in vietnam. haha..think so, thats what google said. so it has been 4 days hanis since hanis left for Vietnam. without doubt, even though we dont usually me around this time, his absence here in singapore is truly felt. hope ur doing fine there Hanis. come back soon and we'll meet up and im gonna hug you once again ;)

so, exam week starting next week. only two weeks of hard studying then year 1 is over. i just want to clear math and chem fast because its nerve wrecking thinking about the possibility that i would'nt do well for the papers. and, after exams, its hardcore training for the coming IVP end of march. just a short post here..having neck pains doesnt help during exam preparation. whatever it is, its all up to Allah's willing. good day friends :)

smile even when u think its not worth smiling

its like in a race and im almost there at the finishing line for this race. its the final push to the end. projects and presentation are over and done with. the final push is exams which is coming in about 1 week time. you know in a race, usually people get exhausted at the end. breathing like mad to get hold of a breathe. well..im not in that dire state..yet! oh well..i just got back chemistry test result and it is somehow expected as i was not ready for the test. but guess what? it only motivates me to do better in exams. hopefully, just maybe, InsyaAllah i will! do well in exams and go thru to 2nd year with gpa higher than 3.

haha..above is just to make me more motivated to study harder for exams. finally get to catch a break after the last 3 days of rushing for datelines. well..presentation today went quite smooth. except for my pekat malay accent that somehow made my english sounds weird sometimes. haha..what to do, i speak malay most of the time. honestly, malay speaking slang, i just wish they could just keep their mouth shut cos its irritating. yeaa..thats what i feel.

okay..silat. one of the reason why i didnt do well for the last chemistry test. hah.its one day before test and i happily went for training. nah..no regrets. its only a small class quiz. so there's friendly with NTU this coming saturday. and im counting the hours for that day to arrive. cant wait to have friendly again. the last friendly was with SIM and well...i won my match! actually..i won both my match. the first match, i accidentally dislocate somebody's knee. i feel very very sorry for that. its has been about 3 weeks..i hope the guy is walking normally now. yeaa..i hope no accidents will happen this coming saturday.

since i have time, i'll just post something more. okay, it has been a long time since i wrote about this. relationship. let me be open about this okay..there's this girl. she is cute. she is always cheerful. she never fails to make me smile alone. yep..signs of me having a crush. i hope now its more than a crush. i dont think its a crush. yea..love is blind. hopefully, she's the one cos i cant bear fall in love with another. heh..gatal! its normal okay..you feel it, i feel it. dont vomit or anything k. i think thats about it. hope u guys are in good health and dont forget to wash ur leg before sleep! :)

have faith

I find myself rather sensitive when it comes to issue that involve me as someone who is not valued. to put it simply, i dont like to feel discarded, left out or not appreciated. yea thats me. when that happens, i feel mad, i feel rejected, suddenly i feel alone, even though there is classroom full of friends. i guess everyone wants to be appreciated. but to a certain extent, you cant expect that all the time. sometimes, its best to feel this way, that is, feeling lonely. yknow why? because it makes you realize that, nobody gonna stay with you forever. in some point of your life, u are gonna be alone, for sure. everyone needs a time of their own.

"Believe in God. Trust nothing that is made of flesh, blood and bone"- somebody in fb

begin with an end in mind

long disappearance. well..school and assignments just cant get enough of me. part and parcel of life..*sigh*

Funny how when i really want to lose weight, i realize that i do eat a lot. i want to lose at least 2 kg. and here i am, eating like as if i want to gain 5 kg! cant control my nafsu for eating you know. the reason why i want to lose weight? i need to be in class C for the coming silat competition. so that i can bully the class C people..muahaha! chey..like real only bully, actually most of the seniors and expert2 are in class D, which is my current class, if i dont lose weight, my chances of going to the competition is pretty2 low. so yea..still got 1 more week to lose weight!

I wonder how my life would be in 10 years time. i'd be 27 yrs old. i want to have a car license, so that i can travel easily. i want to have a family by then. hmm..what job would i be working? life is unpredictable sometimes, well, most of the time. oh well..i just hope in 10 years time, my parents are still healthy, strong and smiling, my friends are still my friends, and i have a stable job insyaAllah. :)

17

Im not good at talking with crowds i realize. you know when there's more than 20 pairs of eyes, that is 40 eyeballs, staring at you. your heart beats fast and words are coming out of your mouth but you are not sure what you are saying. to an untrained person like me, its pretty hard. well..it takes time to be perfect. it takes practice and im just doing that.

Silat. I've been closely attached to this newly-found sport for me. Never thought i'd be serious to train hard for competitions. well..here i am, going for every training, trying to perfect my kicks and punches. its not that i want to go out there and hurt people, its just that, the people in this team itself. the seniors, as a whole, i really admire them. its that unity you see in a team.

hmm..i've not posted about my recent friendly match with Temasek poly. there's not much i could say, but i was pretty shocked to be named the "best pesilat" for that day. haha! i almost threw my handphone off because i really didnt expect to get that award and i was msg-ing when the captain was annoucing. it was a stepping stone for me. im still amateur. theres still an ocean more things that i need to learn to really be known as best pesilat. whatever it is, i think im sticking to this sport and am gonna excel in it. do support me yea friends? :)